Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
In the present era, advancement in technology has made a significant change to the lifestyle of each and every person in the world. New innovationsinnovation like video games which are used for entertainmentare used to have fun and useful tools in educationaleducation learning for children but some people argue that video games have some negative effectsdevelopment on children. I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefitsI am going to discuss this topic.
Firstly, newly released and innovative video games are verymuch helpful for children, because they allow children to spend their free timeto spend their free time at home without disturbing others. Some video games are played in a group which creates a challenging environment for children and they learn how to win the game and be successful. From an educational perspective, these games encourage imagination and creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, all of which are useful skills outside the gaming context. Furthermore, it has been shown that computer simulation games can improve users’ motor skills and help to prepare them for real-world tasks, such as flying a plane.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of games. Children are becoming less activeChildren becoming less active in terms of physical activity and more addicted to video gamesmore addictive of video games because users are constantly given scores, new targets and frequent rewards to keep them engaged. They are spending most of their timetimes in playing games so it may affect their education as well as their eyesas well their eyes and on health also. In the past, when video games were not present, Deleteat that time most of the children used to play outdoor games with their friends which seem disappearing nowadays. Children are becoming more and more addicted to technologytechnology addictive than the past which is a concerning question for many guardians.
In conclusion, I can say that there are more drawbacks of video games on children than their positive benefitsthen its positive benefit.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents relevant benefits and drawbacks, supported by useful examples of educational value, creativity, simulation, inactivity, and addiction. However, the judgement that drawbacks are greater is only briefly asserted, while frequent language errors and some child-only framing weaken the comparison. Prioritise a clearer argument throughout that directly weighs the seriousness of each side, supported by accurate, well-connected sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both benefits and drawbacks of video games and concludes that the drawbacks are greater. Benefits are developed with several relevant educational examples, while the drawbacks are also relevant but sometimes focused only on children rather than all people who play games.
Make the final judgement clearer throughout the essay and compare the seriousness of benefits and drawbacks, not just list them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and basic progression from introduction to benefits, drawbacks, and conclusion. Cohesion is generally understandable, but some sentences are overloaded and the introduction is vague.
Use clearer topic sentences and make each paragraph’s final sentence connect back to whether drawbacks outweigh benefits.
Lexical Resource
There is a fair range of topic vocabulary, including educational tool, creativity, concentration, simulation games, rewards, and physical activity. Some collocations are inaccurate, such as negative development and technology addictive.
Use precise collocations such as harmful effects, gaming addiction, sedentary habits, academic performance, and educational benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts a variety of sentence forms, but errors in clauses, word forms, agreement, and comparatives are frequent. Meaning remains clear, though accuracy is uneven in complex sentences.
Revise fragments and clause connections, especially sentences beginning with noun phrases such as Children becoming.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.