The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
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Sample Response
The graph provides a visual representation of the number of jobs in four different economic sectors, namelythose are, manufacturing, retail, agriculture and healthcare in the United States. The data is plotted on the graph over a period of 60 years, between 1960 and 2020.The x-axis represents years, while the y-axis illustrates the number of jobs, measured in millions.
Overall, manufacturing depicted the highest number of jobs in 1980. This is in sharp contrastthe sharp contrast to healthcare, which remained at the lowest point from 1960 until around 1980.which is on the lowest point of the line graph between 1980 and 2020.
From 1960, three economic sectors,In 1960 economic sectors, manufacturing, retail and healthcare, started to gradually increase in number. In the year 1980 manufacturing peakedis at its highest peak, reporting approximately 20 million jobs in the US,in US, which is followed by retail and lastly healthcare with 5 million jobsjob applications. In the year 2000,In year 2000 manufacturing jobs started to gradually drop, while healthcare and retail continuedcontinues to steadilymarginally rise. At the end of 2020, retail is at its highest to 15 million jobsworking facilities, matching healthcare at roughly 16 million, ahead of manufacturing.which is followed by manufacturing and healthcare.
On the other hand, agriculture wasAgriculture is the only sector, which demonstrated a significant drop in number, without any reported increase. Over the 60-year period,Over 60 year's period agriculture declinedshowed the regression from over 5 million to approximately 2 millionto no more than 3 million jobs in the United States of America.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay successfully structures the information across distinct paragraphs and identifies some overall trends over the 60-year period. However, the response contains significant factual inaccuracies regarding data interpretation, such as describing healthcare as the lowest sector rather than agriculture. To improve your writing, ensure precise graph reading to present accurate trends and use clear, accurate domain vocabulary when reporting data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and detail paragraphs contain clear factual misinterpretations of the visual data, particularly concerning the growth of healthcare relative to other sectors.
Double-check the graph keys and data lines to ensure every trend and comparative point accurately reflects the visual prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized into logical paragraphs with a clear progression, though some cohesive connections between sentences feel mechanical or slightly awkward.
Use a wider variety of natural linking words to connect data comparisons smoothly within and between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
An adequate vocabulary range is attempted, but inappropriate word choices such as job applications and working facilities obscure the precise meaning of the dataset.
Focus on accurate task-specific terminology, using precise words like workforce, positions, or employment instead of inaccurate synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used, but frequent grammatical and punctuation errors like comma splices and subject-verb mismatches occur.
Review sentence boundaries and subject-verb agreement to reduce recurring grammatical inaccuracies throughout the text.