The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
This response is estimated at Band 5.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The graph provides a visualprovides visual representation of the number of jobs in four different economic sectors, which are manufacturing, retail, agriculture andand, healthcare in the United Statesin United States. The data is plotted on the graph over a period of 60 years, between 1960 and 2020.The x-axis represents years, while the y- axis illustrates the number of jobs, measured in millions.
Overall, based on the statistics manufacturing depicted the highest number. This is in sharp contrastthe sharp contrast to healthcare, which is aton the lowest point of the line graph.
In 1960, three economic sectors—In 1960 economic sectors, manufacturing, retail and healthcare, started to gradually increase in number. In the year 1980 manufacturing is at its peakhighest peak, reporting approximately 202 million jobs in US, which is followed by retail, nearly 10 million and lastly healthcare with 5 million jobsjob applications. In the year 2000In year 2000 manufacturing jobs started to gradually drop, while healthcare and retail continuedcontinues to marginally rise. At the end of 2020, retail was at its highest at around 16 millionretail is at its highest to 15 million, which is followed by manufacturing and healthcare.
On the other hand, Agriculture is the only sector, which demonstrated a significant dropdrop fall in number, without an increase. Over the 60-year period,Over 60 year's period agriculture showed a declinethe regression from over 5 million to approximately 2 millionno more than 3 million
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response successfully structures the report with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs to address the overall trends. However, significant numerical errors—such as reporting manufacturing jobs at 2 million instead of 20 million—and inaccurate trend descriptions severely undermine data accuracy. To improve, cross-check all data points directly against the graph axes and refine grammatical accuracy regarding punctuation and article usage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Main trends are identified, but key figures are reported inaccurately, such as stating manufacturing peaked at 2 million instead of 20 million.
Double-check numerical values against the y-axis carefully before writing to ensure precise data reporting.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is present, but transition signals and progression can feel mechanical or slightly awkward.
Use logical paragraphing and smoother cohesive devices to connect trend descriptions chronologically.
Lexical Resource
The response uses basic task vocabulary, but contains inappropriate word choices like 'drop fall', 'regression', and 'job applications'.
Focus on accurate data-description collocations such as 'decline', 'downward trend', or 'number of positions'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammatical inaccuracies appear in article usage, preposition selection, and punctuation.
Review basic sentence structures and punctuation around introductory phrases to ensure grammatical accuracy.