The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
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Sample Response
The graph illustratesprovides a visual representation of the number of jobs in four different economic sectors, manufacturingnamely, manufacturing, retail, agriculture and healthcare in the United States. The data is plotted on the graph over a period of 60 years, between 1960 and 2020.The x-axis represents years, while the y-axis illustrates the number of jobs, measured in millions.
Overall, manufacturing initially accounted for the largest workforce before being overtaken by retail and healthcaremanufacturing had the highest number of jobs in 1980. This is in sharp contrast to agriculture, which was at the least represented sector throughout the 60-year periodlowest point of the line graph between 1980 and 2020.
From 1960 onwards, job numbers in manufacturing, retail, and healthcare increased steadily. In 1980, manufacturing peaked, reachingIn the year 1980 manufacturing peaked , reporting approximately 20 million jobs in the US, which wasis followed by retail and lastly healthcare with 5 million jobs . In 2000, manufacturingIn the year 2000 manufacturing jobs started to gradually drop, while healthcare and retail grew consistentlycontinued to rise substantially. By 2020, retail had reached approximately 16 million jobs, matching healthcare and surpassing manufacturing.
In contrast, agriculture was the only sector that experienced an overall decrease over the timeframe. Over the 60-year period, agricultureOver the 60-year period agriculture showed a decline from over 5 million to approximately 2 million jobs in the United States of America.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay effectively summarizes the key trends and data points from the line graph with clear overall comparisons and factual accuracy. To reach a higher standard, the overview could highlight overall upward versus downward trends across the entire timeframe rather than focusing mainly on single data points. Overall, the writing is well-structured and uses a good variety of sentence structures and vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The candidate accurately identifies key trends, data points, and comparative figures for all four sectors across the 60-year period.
Make the overall summary statement broader by summarizing general overall patterns across the full period rather than pointing out individual data points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are logically structured by main trends and comparative relationships, ensuring smooth progression throughout the response.
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to transition smoothly between descriptions of different sectors within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-appropriate vocabulary is used accurately to describe trends, increases, and decreases.
Incorporate a wider variety of precise collocations and lexical items for describing numerical changes to avoid repeating similar phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures show good variety and flexibility with a strong degree of grammatical accuracy throughout.
Ensure careful proofreading to eliminate minor punctuation and spacing errors around commas.