In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
There is no denying the fact that health and weight are interlinkedinter-linked. These days, obesity is alarmingly becoming one of the substantial concerns across the world, leading to an unhealthy lifestyle all around. In this essay, I will highlightwill be highlighting some of the causes of obesityfactors related to being overweight and some ways inthrough which this issue can be tackled.
There areSeemingly, there are plenty of reasons behind people becoming victimspeople becoming a victim of obesity. To begin with, the rise in private vehicle ownershippurchase has discouraged people, to a large extent, from walking, whether to work, for shopping, or vacations. Second, there are only a handful of people who exercise dailymight be involved in exercising daily to burn extra calories. Moreover, the increasing consumption of junk food items has substantially contributed to higher calorie intakecalorie increase among people. For instance, one of mythe friends, in his late 20s, avoided exercise and healthy foodevaded exercising and healthy food for a longlonger time. As a result, he is now well aboveway beyond his ideal weight and has started developing heart issues at such a young age.
Changes to sedentary habitsModifications and alterations in sedentary lifestyle along with adequate diet can surely help address such an issue to a great extent. To put it in simple words, calorie intakeconsumption and intake of calories should be matched to the body's requirementsas per the requirements of the body by keeping the height-weight ratio and age in mind. Also, one should take a balanced diet, one that is comprehensive and contains the right amount of minerals, vitamins, carbohydrates, and fats. In addition to this, exercising should also be an essentialinevitable part of our daily lives, and this habit should be adopted by everyoneimplemented in everybody, regardless of age. People should also be motivated to give up their sedentary habitsgive up on their sedentary habits and lead an active life by going to the gym, jogging, running, walking and more.
I would like to conclude that inadequate food habits and inactive lifestylesnon-active lifestyles are the real contributors to rising obesity. And, these can be dealt with attentively by calorie and meal planning.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay addresses both causes and remedies directly, using a relevant personal example and a clearly organised cause-solution structure. Its main limitation is that several proposed remedies overlap around individual diet and exercise, so the solution discussion is less varied and developed than the causes, while some awkward collocations weaken precision. The strongest improvement would be to develop one distinct systemic measure and explain exactly how it would change behaviour.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with relevant, generally developed causes and practical individual solutions.
Add one distinct policy or community measure and explain its mechanism and likely effect.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically grouped in a clear cause-solution structure, though some linking phrases are formulaic and solution points overlap.
Sequence the remedies by type and use more precise internal links to show how each differs from the previous one.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad topic vocabulary, but noticeable collocational problems sometimes make expression unnatural.
Use more natural combinations such as increasing calorie intake, avoiding exercise, and adopting healthier habits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used with generally good control, while occasional agreement, reference, and sentence-boundary errors remain non-impeding.
Check agreement and sentence boundaries, especially in long noun phrases and the concluding fragment beginning with And.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.