In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Weight-related issues have been on the rise in certain countries resulting in fitness levels moving on a downward trendtowards a downward trail. The causes of the issue and the preventive measures that can be taken are addressedThe cause of the issue and preventive measures that can be taken is addressed in this article.
The major causes of weight gain in peoplein human beings can be attributed to dietary habits and a sedentary lifestyle. The human body is primarily designed to stay physically active and digestdo physical work to digest the food consumed. Inadequate physical exercise leads to fat beinggetting deposited mostly around the stomach and waist areas. Modern food habits are also a major contributor to weight gain. Excess consumption of processed and fatty foods can result in an obese and disease-prone body. Technological development has produced machines that perform work which was once done entirely by humans. This has caused human beings to become lazy and rely on machines even for minor physical taskseven for the smallest possible physical work.
Research has shown that citizens of countries whose governments emphasise physical activitygovernment emphasis on physical activities (sports) in schools and universities tend to lead healthier liveslead a disease-free life. While the issue of weight gain is a serious one, there are a number of simple measures that can be taken to address it. A personal acquaintance of mine had major issues with obesity. Regulated food habits, combined with a disciplined lifestyle and plenty of physical exerciseexercises worked wonders for him. Within a matter of months, he became leaner, fitter and extremely cheerful. Governments should create health-awareness programs that highlight the harmful effectsthrow light on the ill-effects of weight gain and the numerous benefits of maintaining good health. andPublic swimming pools, jogging grounds should be provided and citizens should make use of themmust avail them at every opportunity.
In conclusionAs the old adage goes “A sound mind resides in a sound body”. It is the responsibility of each individual to maintain proper body weight and set an example to their near and dear ones to achieve the goal of a disease-free society.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly explains dietary habits and sedentary lifestyles as causes, then offers practical individual and government measures in a logical progression. Its main weakness is that some support remains general and the conclusion shifts to a broad moral message instead of consolidating the answer, while a few awkward collocations and agreement errors reduce polish. Finish with a direct summary of the key causes and priority solutions, and proofread phrasing carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers both parts of the question with clear causes and practical measures, though some support is general and the conclusion adds a broad moral point rather than a final policy summary.
End by briefly restating the main causes and the most important solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and ideas progress logically from causes to solutions, with generally effective linking.
Make the final paragraph more directly connected to the question instead of shifting to a general saying.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and mostly accurate, with useful health-related terms, but a few collocations are unnatural.
Refine phrases such as downward trend, governments emphasise, physical exercise, and make use of facilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally controlled, with a range of sentence forms, though there are several agreement and word-form errors.
Check subject-verb agreement and plural forms in topic sentences and recommendations.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.