The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
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Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the changes in the number of jobs in four sectors - manufacturing, retail, agriculture, and healthcare - of the US economy over a 60-year periodin 60-year period, from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, ManufacturingManufacture maintained the highest levelportion of employment for much of the period although it fell substantially after reaching a peak. Similarly, jobs in the agriculture sectorin agriculture sector experienced a decrease, while retail and healthcare significantly increased their numbersits number of jobs and eventually overtook manufacturing by 2020.
In 1960, the number of manufacturing jobs stood at 15 millionnumber of employment opportunities stood at 15 million, more than twice the figure of agriculture, at approximately 6 million. ManufacturingManufacture then hit its peak in 1980, standing at 20 million, and subsequently decreasedsubsequently decreased steadily to fall to 17 million in 2000 and around 13 million in 2020reach around 13 million. Agriculture experienced a downward trendexperienced downwards trend too but relatively gradual reaching aboutwhich accounted at about 2 million in 2020.
Retail and healthcare initially accounted forinitially comparatively created a smaller number of jobs with figures standing atand the figure accounted for approximately 6 million and 2 million, respectively; however, they grew significantlysignificantly grew and eventually overtook the manufacturing sector, with both reachingovertook manufacturing sector reaching both at the same level at approximately 16 million.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively summarizes the main trends and provides accurate data from the line graph to highlight key changes over the 60-year period. Paragraph structure and logical progression are clear throughout the essay. To improve, focus on correcting word form errors and minor grammatical inaccuracies such as missing articles and subject-verb consistency.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response features a clear overall overview and accurately presents data points and comparative trends for all four sectors.
Ensure key intersections and dynamic changes between specific intervals are described with even greater precision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically into distinct body paragraphs with clear overall progression.
Vary cohesive devices beyond simple linkers to make transitions between data points feel more natural.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is used to describe trends, though there are minor inaccuracies in word choice and word formation.
Pay close attention to word forms, such as using 'manufacturing' instead of 'manufacture' as a noun.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex structure types is attempted, but frequent minor errors with articles and missing clause subjects are present.
Proofread for article usage and ensure subject-verb structure is complete in complex sentences.