In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
In some nations, people are getting heavier and standards of health and well-being are falling. This essay will suggest that the principal cause of these issues is the type of nourishment they are eating and submit a government education program as a viable solution, followed by a reasoned conclusion. The main cause of the health crisis currently affecting so many individuals is overconsumptionover-consumption of poor quality sustenance. Convenience foods and junk foodsConvenience food and junk food, such as microwave dinners, chocolate bars, McDonald’s mealsMcDonald’s and pizza, have become a ubiquitous part of modern life. Eating too much of these high-fat foodsmeals causes many people to gain weightcauses many to gain weight and this has knock-on effects on their general healthsomeone’s general wellness. For example, the movie ‘Super Size Me’ demonstrated that a person who eats this kind of food all the time will not only gain weightget fat but also suffer from conditions such assuch things as raised blood pressure and even fatty liver disease. One practical solutionThe most practical solution to this problem is a government-sponsored awareness campaign. An effective advertising campaign could warn of the dangers of a poor diet and hopefullyhopefully, raise awareness amongamongst the public. This raised awareness of the problem would lead many people starting a healthier regime. For example, the U.K. recently encouraged its citizenslobbied their citizens to eat five portions5 pieces of fruit and vegetables a day and this resulted in a substantialdramatic decrease in obesity-related illnesses such as stroke and heart disease. In summary, the current health crisis has been caused by an over-reliance on unhealthy food and governments should address thisstates should curtail this by educating peoplemen and women on how to make healthier choices.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its focused cause-and-solution argument, which develops unhealthy diets and public education with clear explanations and examples. Its main limitation is organisation: presenting the entire essay as one paragraph obscures the shift from cause to solution, while a few collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision; the highest priority is to separate the response into purposeful paragraphs and polish the affected sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both parts with one clearly identified cause and one relevant measure, and each is supported by explanation and an example.
Broaden the response slightly by developing an additional cause or complementary measure while maintaining the same depth and relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a clear linear progression, but the single-paragraph format does not adequately signal the major stages of the argument.
Use separate introduction, cause, solution, and conclusion paragraphs so each central idea is visibly organised and easy to follow.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, though a few choices, such as nourishment they are eating and lobbied their citizens, are imprecise.
Replace over-formal or inaccurate word combinations with natural academic collocations that preserve the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are mostly well controlled, with isolated errors in verb patterns and a few awkward constructions that do not impede meaning.
Review verb-complement patterns, especially constructions such as lead someone to do something, and proofread longer coordinated sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.