In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Over the last ten years, there has been an increasing numberthere are increasing numbers of overweight people around the world and at the same time,at the same time, unfortunately, people do less exercise and have more health problems. Indeed, it is not a surprise that the number of fast food restaurants has increased and people have become busierpeople have started to be busy and some of them have become less activesome of them lazy. This essay will discuss two reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this worrying trend. The main cause of the problem of obesity is the prolific increase in the number of fast food restaurants. For example, McDonald’sMacDonald’s, Hungry Jack’s, Pizza Hut. The advertisements for these restaurantsThe advertisement of these restaurants focusfocused on children to attract their attention, thus, increasing the number of customers amongst children. In additionHowever, not only this, hard working people do not have time to prepare healthy foodprepare a healthy food at home, instead, they buy processed food such as sausages and meatballs in the nearbyclosest stores. Also, in the rapidly developing society, there is a need to work harder and spend more hours at the workplace. Measures to address this problemThe measures of this problem have been and will continue to be taken. Firstly, on TVin the TV famous people need to talk more about obesity as a major problem around the world that leads to serious health consequences such as diabetes. Secondly, it is important to promote a healthy lifestyle and life-work balance, which has already been donewhich already have been done and will continue to be done. Not only this, useful fitness devices have been introducedgreat development was introduced to the market, which helps to measure how many steps a person tookhow many steps did a person do during the day. If people start to use it, this will encourage them to do themore necessary exercise during the day. To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity and a variety of negative effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers a relevant range of causes and practical measures, with clear awareness of how modern eating and working habits contribute to declining health. Its main weakness is organisation and development: the single-paragraph format blurs the progression, while several proposed measures remain general. Prioritise a clear causes-and-measures structure and explain precisely how each solution would reduce obesity or increase physical activity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response identifies relevant causes, including fast food, lack of time, processed food, and long working hours, and suggests awareness campaigns, lifestyle promotion, and activity tracking. However, it says it will examine consequences, and some solutions are general rather than fully developed.
Frame the essay directly around causes and measures, then explain how each measure would reduce weight gain or improve fitness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas are in a logical rough order, but the whole essay is written as one paragraph. This makes the progression harder to follow and weakens the separation between causes, measures, and conclusion.
Use at least four paragraphs: introduction, causes, measures, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant to health, obesity, fast food, processed food, exercise, and lifestyle. Some phrases are imprecise or awkward, such as in the TV and life-work balance, and examples need smoother integration.
Use accurate collocations such as on television, work-life balance, public health campaigns, sedentary lifestyle, and physical activity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay contains several complex ideas but has frequent errors in articles, tense, word order, and question formation. Meaning is generally understandable, though accuracy drops in longer sentences.
Edit for article use with singular nouns and for embedded question order, such as how many steps a person took.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.