In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
There are several reasons that cause the health levelshealth's breadth and fitness are decreasingfitness decreased whereas people's average weight is increasingpeople's average weight increased. Honestly, this is a serious problem for health. Nonetheless, it can be solved by some practical measuresthoughtful and prudent attempts.
First of all, it is related to workrelated to the job. Some people, who work in the office, always spend long hours in the officehave a long time in the office fromsince early morning until night for six days and probably they just have one day to resta day to take rest. Because of that, they think that there is no rest time, so the amount of their food consumption increasesfood consumption always raises but they rarely exercisethe sports programs like fitness is never done by them. When they have leisure timea leisure time, of course, they just sleep. In addition, one of the reasons of their weight is never doing sports although they are workers.
Furthermore, the activities of jobless, some people who are spending their time in their houses, just eat and sleep without doing any physical exercises like jogging. These habits cause themactivities enforce them to gain excessive weightachieve a high weight and making the obesity problem. Fast food outlets and people’s dependency on them is another reason for obesity. To solve this problem, individuals need to pay more attention toput more concern on their own health. They should take a balanced diet, lead a healthy life, do some exercises daily and take advice from physicians. The government can take many initiatives like adding more sports facilities in the community; strictly regulate fast-food outletsstrictly control the junk food outlets, and encourage people to walk or use bicycles on the roads.
In conclusion, while they are workers or jobless they must be able to manage their time to balance the time for work, rest and doing sports like jogging. Although it is a simple sport but has a big impact on health. By doing this, the average of weight and health will balance.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay identifies plausible causes of rising weight and proposes actions for both individuals and government, so the main task is addressed. Nevertheless, ideas are repetitive and sometimes unclear, while frequent grammar and vocabulary errors reduce precision throughout. The priority is to organize causes and solutions into distinct, well-developed points, then express each causal link with accurate verb forms and natural health-related language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is addressed with relevant ideas, though development and precision are uneven.
Develop each main point with a specific explanation or consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is generally organized, though some progression and paragraph focus need improvement.
Give each paragraph one clear controlling purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task, but inaccurate collocations and word choices recur.
Prefer precise, natural topic vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear overall, but recurring sentence-level errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread agreement, articles, prepositions, and clause structure.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.