In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
In this contemporary era, with the rapid advancestremendous improvements in technological innovationcutting-edge technologies and innovations, people in developed countries are susceptible to various health problemsare liable to various health complications, and their body weight is increasing, which has attracted considerable attentionwhich has led to excess attention. There are many reasons for this trendthis sudden urge, and multiple correctiveprecautionary measures are available to overcome these issues. The main objective of this exposition is to put forth the causes and the principalprinciple preventive steps to be adoptedadapted for better standards of living.
To begin with, most of the individuals who reside in well-developed nations are gaining weight rapidlygaining weight drastically on an increasing scale and causing major concern forto their physical and mental health. It is due to the major changes in lifestylehumongous deviation of lifestyle in the current scenario. Employees who tend to spend longmaximum hours sitting at their work desks in offices experience considerable anxiety and stressare prone to excess trepidation and stress and are physically inactiveare dormant, which alters their body mass index. This further leads to disorders such as diabetes, high blood pressurehigh blood pressure levels and cardiac arrest. Not only adults but also children are becoming obese with a lack of physical activityactivities and persistent useusage of electronic gadgets. Similarly, women have increased chances of becoming overweight due to the rapid fluctuations of their hormones, and they must control their diet and consume nutritiousnutritional foods. Hence there is a wide range of complications that resulta wide range of complications which results in changes in body weightan alternation in body weight.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is its attempt to explain several plausible causes through examples involving office workers and children. However, it stops before answering the required solutions part and is also below the expected length, leaving the task substantially incomplete. The highest priority is to add a fully developed solutions paragraph that directly matches the causes already identified, followed by a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops several relevant causes but completely omits the requested measures and ends without completing the task.
Develop practical solutions linked to sedentary work, device use, and poor diet, then close with a clear conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas within the causes paragraph generally progress logically, but the two-paragraph structure is incomplete and some connections are imprecise.
Use separate paragraphs for causes and solutions, with each paragraph organised around clearly related ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent awkward or inaccurate choices such as sudden urge and humongous deviation reduce precision.
Prefer natural, topic-specific wording and check that ambitious vocabulary conveys the intended meaning accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, despite recurring agreement, article, and sentence-control errors.
Improve subject-verb agreement and revise long sentences so that each clause has a clear grammatical relationship.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.