In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Throughout history, humans have facedhumans faced a wide range of illnesses. Some of the ailments rely on region and country but some parts of illnesses depend on culture. Yet there are some health issues which are global, for example, obesity which is one of the mankind's serious problemsmankind’s malicious problems, regardless of the race and region. In addition, during recent years, overweight and obesity has increased significantlyobesity increased so much that people and government should consider this issue very seriously. The technological advances of the 21st century have brought us21st century and technology advancement of it brought us computers, televisions, mobile phones, cars, lifts etc. Those gadgets, tools and devices prevent people from moving and compelcompelling them to sit. So it is clear that one origin of obesity is overuseoverusing of computers, cars and televisions. Moreover, people don’t join sports clubs and do not care about doing regular exercisedon’t care with regard to doing regular exercise and this leads to unhealthy human generation. Furthermore, the fast food industry has the biggest impact on our health. Unhealthy foods with high fat, low nutrition, less use of vegetables, preservatives in foodconservative items in foods are just some of the negative aspectssome part of dark sides of this industry and obviously, this industry is the greatest factor in this obesity and health problem matters. Handling this problem requires the support of government and they should be worried regarding the health issues of people. In some European countries, governments have obliged peoplegovernment obliged people to do exercise at least 5 hours per week. In addition, America legislates a rule that in line with it each person must eat at least seven home-made meals7 house maid meals per week. People need to be aware of their health. A healthy lifestyle, balancedbalance diet, exercise, outdoor activities can reduce this problem to a great extent. To sum up, it can be argued that there are industries which invite us to taste their cheap, delicious and also unhealthy food. However, governments restricted those industries but people should care about their health personally and teach their children with regard to this matter.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies several relevant causes of declining health and proposes both government and personal action, so the core cause-and-solution task is addressed. Its effectiveness is reduced by a single-block structure, uneven development, frequent language errors, and implausible claims about legislation. Prioritise organising two well-supported causes and two realistic measures into separate paragraphs, using shorter sentences and precise health vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay identifies relevant causes of rising weight and declining fitness, including technology, lack of exercise, and fast food, and suggests government action and healthier lifestyles. Development is uneven, and some claims about laws in Europe and America are unsupported or implausible.
Organise the answer around two clear causes and two practical measures, and support them with realistic examples rather than questionable legislation claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is a single long paragraph, so the cause-solution structure is difficult to follow. Ideas are mostly related, but transitions are repetitive and there is little controlled progression.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion, with clear signposts such as The first cause and One effective solution.
Lexical Resource
There is topic vocabulary such as obesity, fast food industry, regular exercise, healthy lifestyle, and balanced diet. However, word choice is often inaccurate or unnatural, including mankind's malicious problems, conservative items in foods, and house maid meals.
Use precise health vocabulary: sedentary lifestyle, processed food, preservatives, balanced diet, public health campaigns, and physical activity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally understandable, but frequent errors in verb forms, articles, plural nouns, prepositions, and sentence boundaries reduce accuracy. Some sentences are overloaded and hard to control.
Write shorter sentences and check subject-verb agreement and article use before adding examples.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.